Until It Beats No More

Until It Beats No More is a personal blog.

My name is Tayna (in Finnish Taina. I wrote it in English style so it's easier for you to read it. Pretty many times my name is misspelled as Tanya/Tanja and it is NOT that.) and I am 23 years old. I'm an inspiration and imagination-full, life-loving and an artistic girl. Currently I live in Helsinki, Finland. I love to express my mind in any way possible, whether it is singing, photographing, writing or drawing or simply saying my thoughts out loud. Those are the tools I use when I want to tell a message to people.

Things I love mostly in life are pretty simple but here're some:
watching treetops in the wind, watching leaves in the wind, darkness and the lights at night time, roadtrips/cardrives,
summer, greennes, the moon, the Sun, rain, space, stars, freshly cut grass, watching meadows and forests,
walking in the woods, loving when it's genuine and peaceful, animals, the Earth, children, nature, sunsets
and break of dawns, singing, music, dancing, movies, photographing, acting, filming, modeling, poems, writing, thunders, lightnings, mountains etc.

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To the sunflower bed I fall
On the fields of an everlasting galore
Above I fly in this orange sea
I can see all and everything now

My vision so bright as a new
I cast a spell of flaming dew
Against the burning light of the sun

I step forward and say your name
I spread my wings and rocket to the sky
I cast a spell of flaming dew
Against the kingdom of the sun, in the castles of burgundy god.

© Tayna (me)

Hi guys!

It’s been a while I’ve written here anything and at  the  moment I am actually at work while I am posting this but I am actually having a short break. ^ ^

I just want to shout my mood out loud, for it  is  so peaceful and happy. I feel so great, I feel like really good things are going to happen this year in general.  I feel FREE. Currently (*knock knock*)  I don’t have a single thing that’d make me stressed out like a hunted rabbit! Yayyy!!

I am actually planning to make a video post (my first evah!) !

So right now I am great. I’ve actually started to really take care of myself (i.e. I’ve had hair issues a lot ‘cause of the stress and been struggling of skin problems like f’n 8 years already!) so I found one cute girl with marvellous hair (I think she is Philippine or Korean) from YouTube and she is posting hair videos and stuff like that. I am so gonna try some of her tricks (actually tried few already). Also, I really want to get rid of my acne scars  and such so I decided to revisit a doctor soon  (visited once when I was a  bit younger). It really takes a lot to even mention about them.

Generally, plans, plans plans, a lot!

Also, I have “broke up” with every single person who has caused me stress and mental pain and as a result I feel fresh and peaceful and happy and like, well, that there’d be a whole lot more space inside my heart and mind. ^ ^ Hope you guys are doing as fine as me right now!

I will be posting my YouTube account link here later when I have uploaded the video and updated the channel all in all. But it is  going to take some time, ‘cause I really want to plan it well:)

So that was my “status” update, hahah! (Prolly very interesting…)

xxx

Tayna

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Today I feel good. I had a two-hour walk/jogg with my dog in this springy sunny weather which I can tell, is full of new winds and love!

From this day on, I am going to change thoughts to actions!

"Should I tell my whole life story here that people would stop shitting on me", I think to myself (have thought quite often).

It would not change a thing, though, because quite few people in this world know and understand the concept of empathy towards another person. Everyone just wants to conclude things the way they see the best.
I could honestly throw up on people’s continuous hoggish behaviour.
Once again I tell you, we were not born to this world to live in constant discord and to harvest hate towards each other. Many people are like cocks of the walk, thinking “I am living on this green water and forest full planet where there are dozens of ways to make new discoveries and developements and destroy this planet slowly - but not so slowly at all but very fast. I am me me me and I am walking on this terrain…”, until they face some conflict or devastating situation in their little lifes when they might understand what’s this all about. And perhaps not even then.
And when the thing passes they go back to their normal assholish selves and continue to be assholes, again forgetting the real point. Like forgetting the person who just might have told you the most horrible thing you’ve ever heard in your life.

We all die you know, and we all have similar graves.
Just as a record.

What is so wrong with people, what is so badly wrong in  their lifes that everyone has to constantly project their own inner pain and difficulties  (even the smallest ones!) into others?? What is the problem with everyone.  (Just in case, I am not talking about myself but in general and yes, I have been in such situations with my friends, they accuse me of nothing and start fights and hold anger and insults inside towards me, so frustrating…….!) Why can’t people live in peace? It is not so damn hard, for God’s sake. Why an Earth some people have to make others life a hell or at least unecessarily stressful by dissension? Why??? If you have a roof on your head, a bed where you can climb up to sleep, food in your table and parents or anyone who you love, do not waste your time to fighting.

Sigh.

I feel peace when the sky is cloudless and blue
I feel love when I see the sun
I feel relaxed when I look at the sea
I feel safe when I see a hazy edge of the world

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Why people have to start fights from out of nowhere and of the littles things or reasons or no reasons at all!? 

It has absolutely no other reaction to a person than sorrow. 

So pointless. 

Just live life in peace and harmony and good and loving others, nature and the things you have. 

Love your enemies as well.

Better, do not even think enemies as your enemies anymore.

Just think them as persons who have no effect on you.

That’s all.

I’ve got news for you

I have awesome plans for a photoshoot in summer.

This time I am not in the main part of the shoot because I do the photographing!! :))

Can’t wait!

I’ll put the link to the shoot here then. ^ ^


I’m not gay, but I think exactly the same way about people in general. People are way too cruel to one another and it should not be like that. People are starting up fights and making someone else suffer for no reason or of the littlest things. People don’t accept theirselves and those who are different are being bullied of it and it is unbelievable. Society is horribe! It literally tells you not to be yourself. Once again, it should NOT be like that. I cried while watching Page. (And I just woke up an hour ago…) Courage to everyone who are brave enough to say their opinion a loud and be theirselves.

Model: me (Taina)

Shot taken by: Sofia

More photos and my works at http://sx-canis-lupus.deviantart.com

Some people don’t like me and currently I am feeling that nobody likes me. I have no friends of my own age but I am not sad and I can say it here loud. I believe and keep telling myself that some day someone, even one, is walking across me, who knows exactly what I feel and who I am: 
A philosophical and loving person. 

And who respects me.

I have my thoughts and talents.

I still don’t understand that how it is so difficult to some of us to say their feelings out loud. You know, everyone should say or shout “I love you! I like you!” more often, though it wouldn’t have that so called deeper meaning but of course still coming from the heart. People should hug and smile each other more often. Honestly, a simple, just one smile, can make someone’s day, though it was just a stranger to you. Especially in countries like mine (Finland) and Japan, where emotions are hidden and suicide rates are high, they could for example make certain dates in a year that people would gather together just to hug, smile, laugh, talk and shout “I love you” to each other. In crowds. It would be tons of fun! What do you think?

I hate it when people are coming to a certain conclusion about a person just by looking at them externally. Very few people can debate and usually when someone is saying their opinion to something straightly, they start to look that person down or take offence of her/his honest and strong opinions or then they go to a more personal level where they start to insult the person. It is very low, I think. Everyone should just agree with each others but God, it is not how it is. People should  be able to discuss about things and feelings freely without starting to insult each other. Accept the things the way they are.

I have gone through pretty devastating things in my life, some are smaller, some are bigger. Though my heart may have been broken and my soul been shot, I am still standing and I am very happy and proud of what I’ve become.

 I follow every kinds of stuff: world’s situations, watching documents and reading things from internet. Therefore, I have started to notice that there in fact are people who think the same way as I and that I am not alone. I.e. here I’ve found many good professional or unprofessional poets who have exactly same kind of thoughts in some of their poems as in mine and that makes me so so happy.

Poems are one way to express and release my feelings and thoughts. Some of them are pretty abstract and strange and prolly some of you don’t get them but writing helps. It makes me relaxed.

 love being alone. Everything is in harmony and you don’t have to worry about what other people are thinking about you. 

I hope you stay by my side here, ‘cause even though I don’t know you, haven’t seen your face, I am thinking about you, wherever you are in the world, in what situation ever. I feel you. 

Hope you have interesting moments of reading my blog.

And keep smiling!